Joyful Pain

Lying in bed, sick to the stomache, mind racing over possibilites...joy or pain? Both possibilities are equally terrifying.  Since the surgery, I have been put on more pills than i can count, some side effects leading me to near insanity. Currently,  Im on anti psychotics, anti convulsants, and meds to help with my mirgaine pain and prevention. How could i ever have a child grow in that environment? Is it too late? Has it happened, in spite of all the precautions taken?

Im drowning, bobbing up and down in a sea of worry. Rescue me father. Will this pain turn to the greatest joy ive ever felt?

Living with a chronic illness is anything but easy. One has to learn to balance coping with the symptoms and having hope of a day free of them. Pounding headaches, painful and obnoxious seizures they are like a plague that never ends. However, that is not the main focus of this blog post. I have written to tell you of the joy i have found. The lovee that dwells in my heart has turned into giant oceanic swells that flood my world. I have a beautiful husband who never fails to make me smile. Every day he tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. He'll call me in the middle of the day just to say so. And he encourages me to seek out God. What a blessing!! Speaking of which, I have found my love for Christ again. Late at night, I've begun praying...and worshipping. This blessing bundle of CHrist and his gift of a spouse has given me hope in my despair. Do I have it that bad? NO. I am blessed.