Trailing behind testimonies like a ragged, unwanted dog, honesty has been abandoned from Christian tales of God's power. I, too, have found myself lacking in honesty. Maybe it was to make God seem even more glorious.
The truth is, God doesn't need someone gifted in PR. He doesn't need any crafty catch phrases. The stories previously mentioned were completely true. However, I have avoided entering more thoughts and stories due to my current pains. That was a mistake. How can I show how great God is without admitting my own faults?
Lately, I've been spending more time in my head than usual. Hiding away behind my insecurities, thinking of all the ways that this journey of health has stolen my future. "I want to join the military." YOU CAN'T. YOU HAVE SEIZURES. "Should I have kids one day?" NO! THERE'S A TEN PERCENT CHANCE THAT IT WON'T BE HEALTHY BECAUSE OF YOUR MEDICATIONS.
Thought after thought bombarded me like mortars relentlessly pounding upon my head day and night. Strangely enough, I found salvation from the tyranny of my own mind. To put it shortly, God tells Moses that He has great plans for him. He wants to use Moses as a shepherd to lead his people out of slavery. But, Moses is all, "Dude, I can't even talk good! How am I suppose to let them know you sent me? I'll be awfull." So God gets pissed and basically tells Moses that he makes blind, deaf, and mute people. God's like, "I made you! Don't you think I can handle your speech issues?! They can't get in the way of my plan for you!" But, Moses didn't seem to trust God. So, God sent him with Aaron, who could apparently rock the pulpit. Sadly, in the end, Moses didn't believe that God could rise him above any speech impediment or shyness that he had. Therefore, God chose someone else to speak for Moses.
I'm not saying that Moses was a bad dude. I'm just saying that I don't want to limit what God has for me because of my seizures. Moses was apparently really bad at speaking. It even sounded like he might of had a health condition that caused him to be that way. Still, God was ready to move that mountain! Moses, for whatever reason, was not ready. Maybe he was use to his life and didn't want change. He could have just been insecure. No matter the cause, he limited God's power in that area of his life. MAYBE GOD WOULD HAVE COMPLETELY HEALED HIM!
All I know is that I don't want to go down that road. I don't want God to get someone else to speak the words that He meant to come out of MY mouth. Nothing can get in the way of God's perfect plan for me. All I have to do is believe. With God's power, I can trust him to give me the faith that rises above any illness.
